Observations on aging
- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! My theory on aging is that I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way and many of the roads weren’t paved.
- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
- Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Maths!
- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young.
- Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
- There are many theories of aging…..my theory is that the older I get the more awesome I become.
Elderly Man Thinks Fast
An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man thought for a second and said, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.’
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator!’
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
Getting Older Can be Fun – Age with Humor!
As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can’t remember them either.
I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started……
“I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before . . .”
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
You can’t stay young forever. That’s just a theory, because you can be immature for your entire life.
I live in my own little world. But it’s okay — they know me here.
Forget health food. I’m at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once — or maybe twice.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
My theory on aging is two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help “groups”?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?